I’ve never been one to be alone. You might say I am kind of a serial monogamist. Since 17 I’ve always been in a relationship, or quickly heading into one with someone.
I’ve never really had the opportunity to be on my own, especially living alone.
Now I’m not saying being in a relationship or marriage has barred my independence or caused me to not develop as a person, but there is something to be said about the changes you go through when you are “alone”.
Being on my own while Cyle is overseas has brought out a new person. Hell, just preparing myself mentally for him to be gone for almost a year has brought out a new person.
Cyle left in September 2017 for his deployment, and, while it didn’t take long for me to learn this lesson, it was the most important thing I learned while he is gone.
The first lesson I learned on being on my own, is that I’m not really on my own.
While I’m basically living the single life (of course, I don’t mean anything unfaithful like) and being more of the “strong independent woman who don’t need no man” that I’ve always proudly said I’ve been, the support system that was always there for me became even stronger.
Cyle and I have always relied on each other, we’re normally not the type of people to bring our problems to others, and instead, we are normally the ones who end up helping.
We just don’t want to be a bother to others, so we use each other to vent, talk, and solve our issues (which can lead to an unhealthy dependency and can cause issues in a marriage if your spouse is the ONLY one you bring problems to).
But with Cyle being gone, who was I to vent to? I couldn’t bring my everyday problems to him, partially because I can’t talk to him much, but mostly because he has more important things to worry about than my day-to-day drama that doesn’t really matter in the long run.
So I leaned on our friends, I started telling them about the issues I was having, and seeking more advice. And our friendships are even more rock solid than before.
And you know what? They never ONCE felt like I was bringing my problems to them, because true friends don’t see another friend as a problem.
But most of all, this forced me to sit down and go “Is this problem I need to complain about really a problem worth calling someone up or having them come over to discuss?”
And you know what? So much of the time it wasn’t worth it. When you don’t have someone there instantly, you really start realizing what issues are worth boiling your blood over about.
I always knew our families and friends were there for us, hell, when our washing machine and bath tub flooded part of our living room, our best friends/Cyle’s coworkers dropped everything to fix and remodel it for us.
That’s a family. Blood or not, that’s family.
While my nights are spent in an empty bed (oh who am I kidding, I’m not even alone then, the dogs sleep in the bed, too) and I make meals for one, I’m not alone.
So to the military spouse afraid about the deployment, just know this, you’re not alone.
Lean on your friends, family, and your army family.
While you may feel alone, there are always people out there who will be more than willing to watch Netflix with you or just sit and talk.
You’re not weak or a bad spouse if you are struggling with the loneliness and need someone.
Lean on these people, ask them for help, you are never alone.